The LBT Reboot

Little Big Thoughts is Back

Okay, so… Uh…

It’s been a while! Too long… Definitely. Too. Long.

The truth is, I never meant to leave it this long. We never do, do we? But I began to struggle with writing, life rolled on, and eventually, I found myself having not posted anything for six months… then a year… then two. That being said, I have been focused on other areas of my life and my recovery journey – in particular, I’ve come on leaps and bounds in my career.

The past two years have been great… But they didn’t feel complete. So, I’ve decided to come back to blogging.

Why I Started

I began my blog (back in the ancient history of 2020) with a sense of overwhelming purpose. I needed an outlet for my thoughts and to share my experiences. I wanted to help people – I wanted to help myself.

So, I jumped straight in, made a few crappy posts and then a couple of better ones. At first, it felt like I was shouting into the void, but I found ordering my thoughts and putting them down still helped. As time went on, I began to get more views, and the feedback I got was positive.

I was so driven at first, spurred on by the gathering momentum. Then, like most things, it began to peter out.

That changed when I was contacted by Lily Bailey, author of Because We Are Bad and guest blogger with Psychology Today.

Why I Stopped

I’m August 2020, Lily messaged me and said she had read my most recent article and wanted to repost an excerpt on the Psychology Today website. I couldn’t believe it. It felt like I’d struck gold.

Lily was kind, thoughtful, and gentle with my words. She held and nurtured this small part of my soul that I’d flung into the ether, then posted it in September.

Suddenly, my blog went from a handful of views to hundreds. It made me feel understood, valued and affirmed in what I was doing. I remember running through to wake my long-suffering husband as soon as I saw it’d gone up, squealing with delight. I was so happy.

About a week later, Lily got in touch again and said Psychology Today wanted to publish my article in their magazine. And I’d be PAID…

What??!! It was truly surreal. I’d sometimes had fanciful daydreams of being published, but I never thought it could happen to me.

I wrote and re-wrote the article until both I and Psychology Today were happy with it. It was one of my proudest moments when I got the magazine through my door a couple of months later.

And what had I done on my blog in that time? I hadn’t. Written. A WORD.

Imposter Syndrome

I felt like a fake. Why on earth were they publishing me?? I didn’t KNOW anything! I wasn’t an authority – look, here was proof! I’d repeatedly sat with my notebook and tried to get something – anything – to come. I couldn’t write – who was I kidding? What a disappointment I must have been to them. They’d spent money on getting my words in print. What did they have to show for it?

It was stupid, but I was also terrified that my piece would somehow hurt someone. I felt like I had no right to inflict my thoughts on the world. More than this, I feared that my next post would not live up to its predecessor.

Now, with – ahem – a decent amount of hindsight, I know that wasn’t true. They’d put my piece out there because they thought people would want to read it. People DID read it.

But the seeming glimpse of success had again set off an avalanche of self-doubt and guilt. I didn’t deserve the attention. I was an awful person for using my experience to make something good – and be paid for it. It suddenly put an overwhelming amount of pressure on me and blocked me from writing.

Once again, the ugly side of my brain had taken control and was pulling me away from one of the very things that gave me meaning and purpose. Well, I say, not anymore.

Why I’m Back

Creative blocks aside, I’ve not wasted the last two years. I’ve focused a lot on my career during this time and have been working towards leadership.

In fact, the leadership training that I’ve gone through has helped me rekindle that spark I once had.

During one workshop, we were being coached to help us find our values. Among my core values were empathy, learning, teaching, and compassion.

After this workshop, I began to think about how writing my blog brought all of these values into my life. It helped me connect with others and use my experience positively. It allowed me to dig into myself. It stretched me and helped me do things I hadn’t thought possible before.

That day I decided to come back to this love of mine.

My Plans

So, with all that in mind, here are my aims over the next few months as I reboot my blog:

1) I will finish my “15 Things to Know About Psychosis” series. It has been waiting patiently for such a long time. This will be my first post back (bar this one).

2) I will post every other week, incorporating experience posts and new content like book reviews. Hopefully, this looser schedule will allow me to keep that fire going and not burn myself out.

3) I will consolidate and better explain my site’s mission. I’ve already started on this, and I will be structuring my blog along three segments to more closely align with my values.

Namely, I hope to:

Educate – raising awareness of mental illness (focusing on psychosis) and the recovery journey.

Empower – sharing my experiences to help others lead more fulfilling lives.

Evolve – learning and stretching myself by encouraging people to thrive and find their meaning.

All my posts will be under one or more of these headers, and instead, the tags will give more details on the type of content and the subject matter.

In addition, I’ll be reviewing my previous pages and updating them with the new structure and mission.

Finally, I just want to say thank you to you for reading about my reboot. Whether you’ve been here before or this is your first time, I’m thrilled to have you along for the ride.

It feels good to be back.

Until the next post!

Bronwyn @ LBT x